I remember the moment Sarah shared her new found secret with me. We were in the hall in between classes; she came up to me and whispered “I’m Pregnant”. I paused and looked at her for a moment to try to read what type of response she needed. This time, one of the only times, I didn’t know what to say to Sarah. Then the questions automatically began to flow from my mouth: Are you OK? Are you upset? Do I say I’m sorry or do I say Congratulations? What are you going to do? Do you need a hug? I mean, what is the right thing to say? we were 16 and in high school! Sarah responded with a smile and said I’m ok I guess congratulations would be ok. My heart ached for Sarah because I knew that her life was going to be completely changed forever. The next step was for her to tell her mother she was scared and didn’t know how to tell her she knew she was going to be so mad. Which she was, Sarah wasn’t allowed to go much of anywhere for a while. As the initial surprise wore off Sarah became more and more excited about nurturing the new life that grew inside her. As Sarah mentioned, her boyfriend at the time was a real piece of work, he was never around and Sarah spent a lot of time alone. Alone in the fact that she didn’t have the support of the so called father, but she did have my support we talked almost every day about how she felt and what it was like to be pregnant and what she expected it to be like when the baby was born. Sarah’s belly began to grow it was surreal little miss size 0 looked like she had a basketball under her shirt. I remember Sarah finding out that the baby was a boy, and she pondered and pondered on what to name her son. Finally, she came to a decision, Caden. We finally had a name to the little person that danced inside her belly. I remember feeling Caden move for the first time, it made me tingle all over to feel that little foot kick out. I was so proud of Sarah; she was going to bring a little person into this world. June 24, 2002 is a day that will stay with me forever. I spoke with Sarah that morning; we had talked about things that would be fun to do once Caden was born. Sarah never once let on that she thought something was wrong. I received a phone call from her a little later that day and she was extremely worried about Caden because she hadn’t felt him move around all morning; I didn’t realize how worried she was, I honestly thought that Caden was just resting up and preparing for his big day. I received another phone call later that day, I saw it was Sarah and thought she’s calling to tell me all is fine, but when I answered the phone Sarah was extremely upset and then she told me that she was scheduled to have a c-section around 4:00 because Caden had passed. I was dumbfounded I didn’t understand how this could happen; she was due in just a few days and hadn’t had any problems during her pregnancy. All I could ask was ask God WHY? All I knew was that I had to stay strong for Sarah and told her I would be at the hospital as soon as possible. I remember crying all the way there. I just didn’t understand why this had to happen to Sarah. When I arrived at the hospital Sarah’s family was in the waiting room, and the look on their faces was ripping me apart. I looked around to find Sarah boyfriend and he was nowhere to be found, I was enraged. The next thing I know the nurse comes to Sarah’ s mom and asks if she would like to see Caden , we all sat silent for a moment and she replied yes. Hope, Sarah’s mother, looked at me and my mom and asked if we would like to come. We were lead into a small room were one of the nurses was holding Caden. She leaned in and whispered something sweet to him and held him tight and then she handed to Sarah’s mom. The realization that Caden wasn’t coming home with Sarah hit me hard in that room. I saw a perfect little boy, absolutely PERFECT! I just didn’t understand why this perfect little boy wasn’t ours to keep. I believe that God works in mysterious ways and that there is a reason for everything that happens, but when you are staring at something so perfect you begin to question what you have believed for so long. The only thing that I will regret is that I didn’t take my chance to hold Caden, at the time I was asked I didn’t feel as if I would be able to. I watched as my mom held him, and all I could do was cry. Telling this little man Goodbye was the hardest thing I have ever done. Sarah is one of the strongest women I have ever known. I know that the loss of Caden still affects her life in a large way, and I am glad that she is blogging it out. I feel that it is a step towards healing her emotional wounds. I know that she has a long journey ahead and I just want her to know that I am Always here to walk along side her. I do not care how long the walk is.
Wow! Your friendship sounds amazing. That is such a heartfelt story. Thank you so much for sharing it! My heart goes out to you Sarah, but it's obvious that you have become a strong person from all of this. You're inspirational & hopefully somone that went through the same thing, can see your blog and know that it will all be ok.
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